I'm 19 years old. I would say I'm lonely, but it's not really true. I've felt communion with people before. I'm not talking about a friendship, I mean oneness.
The thought often occurs to me that what I felt with those people was only with a part of them. There are many faces to everyone in the world, sometimes one goes away, other times one is born.
The following is what I wrote yesterday to my friends about a dream from last year.
"In any case I had a series of dreams about her, three in number. Whats interesting is that it was a better rendering of what she was like than anything I can consciously remember about her, the way she acted was nothing like what my mind could craft. It was like a demon with her face on. In all three she berated me in these cruel barrages that werent even said in some tone of horrible mockery. There was no viciousness in the way she spoke, just plain speech or maybe even some cynical sort of joy because I couldn't do anything back. She had won, whatever was in my mind had won and I was at a loss for anything to fight back with. The very last dream was the same but instead of speaking we were texting. At the very end I asked her if she does love me and she said she always will. I guess thats true, that side of her always will, but that side of her wont ever exist again. Its a mask lost in time.
I dont think something could deconstruct me as a person in a more meticulous, perfect way than those dreams did and they defined me as a person permanently."
I see the world fractured. The eye is what perceives it, but it also projects onto it. The heart is what maps one's eyesight - incoming, outgoing.
The way to fix this fracture is by fixing one's own heart, orienting it to be in communion with what is above.
The man you see in your dreams and the one you hear all your days is created. He is not your master. He is your brother. He will help you if you know your Master, and you'll help him.
